My one and only love is starting to fall apart. It’s starting to get quieter, and I don’t know what to do. I never wanted it to stop, because my room has become so quiet. It feels like the world caves in on me, with plundering waves of anxiety commencing in my chest, without its beautiful, abstract music to my ears.  I can’t sleep without it, and I’m worried it can’t hold up any longer…

It’s my fan.

I want my room to feel like an igloo before I go to sleep. I keep my blinds open to let all the cold wind collect into my room and make the temperature drop as low as it can go. As a night owl, I let my eyes suffer from the brightness of my monitor and work all night. I feel more motivated to work during this time with the help of the sound of my janky fan and, occasionally, whatever music I’m feeling at the time. It could be some soft rock or even some instrumentals from nostalgic video games I used to play as a kid. Whatever floats my boat. 

I need to accept the fact that my fan is coming to the end of its days. I’ve realized music is more of an excuse to dance or doze off than concentrate on the piles of electronic homework before me. But, I found an alternative solution to my need for noise. 

I stumbled upon this sound through a recommendation on my YouTube. This is strange to ask, but have you ever listened to a “color noise” that wasn’t white noise? I was shocked at this recommendation in that I never thought this existed before. I’m subjective in that pink is my favorite color, but I was pleasantly surprised at this discovery. 

The YouTube video was titled, Pink Noise Ten Hours – The Classic Now in Dark Screen.

I wrapped myself in my Christmas blanket, sat on my legs and started to listen at a lower volume, weary that it would blow out my eardrums. I would think a loud color like pink would have a legitimately loud noise, but it was the exact opposite. 

I closed my eyes, and I dramatically flashed my eyes at my black screen.  

Merriam Webster defines pink noise as “a mixture of sound waves with an intensity that diminishes proportionally with frequency to yield approximately equal energy per octave,” but to me, pink noise is bliss. 

At that exact moment I started listening and thought, this is it… This is bliss.

Everything going on around me didn’t matter when listening to the noise. It automatically silenced the sound of my neighbors labrador, my dog Fudge’s constant barking and even my racing thoughts. I started my school work immediately and couldn’t be budged to do otherwise. 

I was completely focused and my heart trailed at relaxed beats. The sound is more flat compared to white noise. It’s like TV static noise mashed with a gentle rainstorm; very comforting. 

I took off my headphones and listened to my surroundings. I became perplexed: the world sounds way too silent now. Looking left and right with a shocked expression, I put my pink headphones back on my head.

Everything’s better like this. 

With my deteriorating fan now silent, pink noise has done wonders in helping me fall asleep more easily and comforting me overall. I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which makes me incredibly paranoid at night, getting triggered from any sounds that aren’t my fan or my creaking bed. I’ve attempted to listen to one of my favorite songs, “Dreamy Night” by  Lily Pichu, which feels like a warm hug when listening to it, but it can get a little repetitive after an hour or two of listening.

Pink noise, however, made me feel safe and ensured uninterrupted, amazing sleep. Waking up from the noise makes me feel very well rested and relaxed the next morning. 

For those who struggle with sleep, it’s worth a try. However, for those who face anxiety, listening at a low volume is best to start off with, just so you’re not startled by an amplified version of pink noise. You can take the volume up a notch in different situations where pink noise is needed. For instance, there are times that surrounding sounds distract me, like screams coming from my brothers playing video games.  During times like those, a higher volume can mask out any noise.

Trying to listen to pink noise was such a surprise, and most importantly, a life saver for my day-to-day issues. 

This noise is now the reason why I can sleep peacefully and work more effectively. All I can say is, pink is the new white. And to my fan, you were good to me…