My friend was crying. 

It was another late night call that drifted from studying to watching TV to talking aimlessly. Then, with everything going on in our nation, the conversation inevitably settled to politics. Both her and I are opinionated people who care about other people. So, of course, talking about politics can become emotional.

My friend was crying because politics are personal, and that night the stress of current events was bearing down on her.

I felt my stomach turn seeing her distress, but I didn’t quite know what to do—what to say. We disagree about as much as we agree, and I was afraid that I had somehow contributed to making her feel the way she did.

More than that, my heart broke at her tears. We had been friends since childhood. I knew her as well as I know myself. No amount of political disagreement could change that.

The next morning, she called me, apologizing for the night before. “I know that things got tense,” she said. “But I wanted you to know that, regardless, I still love you.”

I almost laughed. There was no need for apologies. “You had every right to feel upset,” I replied. “I’m so grateful that we can have those conversations, disagree and still be close.”

That ability, I realized, is a rare strength in today’s political climate. 

Too often I hear of people blocking family members on social media on the basis of political disagreement, condemning those who disagree with them and refusing to hear opinions that may challenge their own. Once someone says something we don’t like or agree with, it is too easy to write them off as a bad person—to demonize them.

But we forget: we are all human beings with reasons and histories and traumas that shape our beliefs. We all deserve that consideration. We all deserve political empathy.

In a divided nation, it is more important than ever to put ourselves in the shoes of others. It may be hard and it may be uncomfortable, but if we don’t empathize, we risk pushing away the people we love the most. 

The world is not black-and-white; it is all shades of grey. When we look at others as either good or bad, right or wrong, with us or against us, we aren’t considering that there’s more to a person than their politics. 

And when we forget that, our disagreements can fracture the most beautiful relationships.

Years ago, my sister lost a friend for that reason. It devastated me to see the confusion and hurt on my sibling’s face as she wondered what she had done wrong. She had always been respectful and cautious when discussing her political views, if discussing them at all. But even the idea that my sister had a different worldview was enough for her former friend to end their relationship, and quite brutally.

She ridiculed and slurred at my sister and our family over text, declaring that she was disgusted by her. I could see the devastation in my sister’s eyes at being so absolutely judged.

My sister vowed never to speak of politics with her friends for the fear that she would face the same judgement if she ever tried.

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No one should feel afraid to express themselves, especially in a nation that champions freedom of speech. Yes, politics are personal, but they should not decide our relationships. Fortunately, my friend and I realize that and never let disagreements get in the way of our connection. If anything, disagreements help us grow, challenge our ideas and make us stronger individuals.

Even when it’s hard, even when I disagree with someone, I try to look at the argument in their eyes. Everyone is living their own story, and we can’t judge the whole book by a few chapters.

We may contradict each other, debate and ultimately agree to disagree. But, in the end, we must remember that we the people are all just people.