Scroll through TikTok long enough and you’d probably see him: baggy jorts, book in hand, a matcha latte on the other, and a Spotify playlist carefully curated to include Laufey, Mitski, Baebadoobee, or Clairo. Perhaps you have mentioned to a friend that the guy you have been talking to is a bit of a red flag, because, in 2025, the most common red flags aren’t about what men actually do, but by the way it feels like an act. Strip away the humor and the memes, and what you’re left with is a man performing for the female gaze. 

In 2025, the dating marketplace looks less like biceps, humble, charming, or a guy who is well off, and more like peacocking with labubu’s as feathers. “Performative behavior is when you’re faking something [to appear better] online than when you present yourself offline,” explains Lorraine Xie, a senior at BVH. Matilda Burnett, also a senior, adds that performative behavior is “trying to paint the perfect ‘man’ for a woman, even though you don’t actually adhere to those behaviors.” To put it simply, performative behavior, in this case, referring to this character that men play that is inspired by the newest/most popular women-led trends, only adheres to such behaviors because of the desire to attract female attention.

In an online post that captures what a performative male looks like, the videographer asks a performative male, “What is your political opinion?”, the man performing in the video holding a cup of matcha in one hand and “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen in the other, says, “Women’s periods should be abolished,” which is a statement meant to appeal to feminists or progressives, before proceeding to spit out the matcha in a separate cut. When asked what the book was about, he walks away with the book up to his face in embarrassment, mirroring performative men who only use the book to add to their aesthetic. The man then shifts the camera’s attention to the labubu strapped to his tote bag. The joke ridicules men who display a specific image to appeal to others, particularly women, who pretend rather than embody those qualities they display.

While much attention has been given to performative men, it’s important to note that performativity is not limited by gender. Although peacocking men draw the most scrutiny for their ridiculous displays of masculinity, performative females exist, too. While the focus here is on performative men, it is worth noting that performative behavior isn’t limited to men; women can also adopt certain trends or behaviors to gain validation.

A post online states that “you can not look at me in my eyes and tell me that a man drinking matcha is performative, but you posting a picture of a baby deer isn’t”. Another senior, Ethan Quillen, adds that “masculinity in itself is a parody, same with femininity. It’s all performance, all these gender archetypes; we’re all playing. We are all putting on a show for each other.” In all honesty, we are always performing. But the question is, are you performing out of insecurity and desperation to fit in, or are you performing because you have found a version of yourself you actually like? From my perspective, performance is inevitable; what matters is whether it is a mask or a mirror.

At the end of the day, performative behavior does not spawn out of nowhere; it typically stems from one of two things: insecurity and/or expectations. As Lorraine Xie explains, “It is more about personal insecurity, since you are insecure online, you would want to portray yourself as the better version of yourself than what is in reality due to insecurity.” Like Lorraine, some people think that performativity has its origin embedded in being insecure. On the other hand, others acknowledge its ties to a broader social issue. Sam O’Loughin, a senior at BVH, states, “I definitely think it is about society’s expectations. Trying to fit in with what other people are doing is…the leading cause of performative behavior.” Society has a way of making “templates” for what’s attractive or worth imitating and then molding itself around those expectations.

There is a degree of performativity in everything. Yes, it is cringey and comes off as “try hard” when seeing a guy posing with Pride and Prejudice, or the Catcher in the Rye or the girl who is suddenly into Kanye. But everyone has to start somewhere, and sometimes a genuine interest can come about by performing something. Everyone’s stage one looks different. What matters is if you are willing to move past the performance and find the parts that actually make you, you.