At a very young age, I was taught by my elders to reach for my fullest potential and to never surrender to anything. Of course, as a first-generation Vietnamese-American, I felt the full weight of this sentiment throughout my life rooted in my parents’ courage in leaving their homeland of Vietnam.
The best way for me to reflect my eternal gratitude for my family’s sacrifice was through school. In elementary, I was always one of the top students, constantly winning awards and receiving recognition on campus. In middle school, I got all As, despite the COVID-19 pandemic, while taking rigorous courses that I would invest my days in. During my freshman and sophomore years in high school, I exceeded expectations, earning over a 4.0 GPA each semester and juggling extracurriculars such as Speech and Debate and TEDxBonitaVistaHS.
After my sophomore year ended, I wanted to go even further by joining the IB Program: a program that BVH offers to overachieving students who believe that they can take their academic talents another mile. Despite the several words of caution from the seniors that came before me, the amount of time required, the workload and even the multiple students who dropped out of the program, I brushed off these warnings and emailed my counselor to make the decision final. I was going to be an IB diploma candidate.
When junior year started, I never once questioned my choice. I breezed through the first semester with all As, managed my time well and even fell in love with most of my lessons like derivatives in IB Math, or even philosophy in Diploma Core Seminar. Initially, I honestly thought that the IB program was one of the best and rewarding choices I had ever made in my life.
However, the second semester arrived and the feeling of dread began to wash over me. The workload started increasing, along with overwhelming amounts of new information, all thanks to the amount of papers which flooded into my binder that was, at this point, ripping apart at the seams. Abbreviations such as EE (Extended Essay), IA (Internal Assessment), IO (Individual Oral Presentation), TOK (Theory of Knowledge) added to the unfamiliarity, as teachers assigned essay after essay, assignment after assignment, every single day.
As a result, I never felt so doubtful of my capabilities. The thought of quitting the IB diploma would make me nimble to the depths of dishonor. I would stay up late until two in the morning to finish last minute English annotations, have constant mental breakdowns and start spending less time with my family. I despised imperfection, making mistakes and having assessment grades lower than what I wanted. It felt like being pushed off of a cliff, yet no one was pushing me but myself.
In late February, my family and I went on a trip to Julian. For three days and two nights, I would stay in a cabin in the wilderness attempting to have a carefree time in the fresh air soothed by quiet sounds of nature. Once we moved into our cabins however, I started getting overwhelmed, worried that my IA in the History of the Americas was not finished, my homework in IB Math was only a quarter done and my sanity was running low each minute that passed. What was supposed to be a carefree weekend, became a weekend full of tension. Hikes became walks of shame, eating in the mess hall became a study hall and sleeping became reflections of regret.
On the last night of the trip, I left my cabin at seven in the evening to stargaze at the top of a hill not far from the cabin. As I was walking, my legs started getting sore, along with my head feeling light from the lack of sleep the night before studying for my math test. When I reached the top of the hill, I panted from my fatigue and felt so physically and mentally drained. That was my last straw.
The week I came back home, I immediately emailed the IB Coordinator, Jared Phelps, to drop out of the program.
Good morning,
Just yesterday, I have decided to myself that I cannot handle the IB Diploma. Simply put, I realized that I joined the IB Diploma purely for academic validation rather than for my own benefit. This has led to a decline in time with my family and friends, lack of time management and high levels of stress. I cannot handle seven classes next year and I do not intend to take another year of classes that I don’t need to take to graduate high school.
This morning I have already emailed my counselor asking if I could switch my classes but have not heard back yet. While the IB Diploma has taught me a lot, I cannot handle the amount of work that it will burden me from next year. To clarify, me quitting the IB Diploma is not you, it’s all me.
The commitment to the IB Diploma is challenging and it is beyond my scope. If I stay in the diploma next year, I will regret my decision in its fullest.
Louis
Ever since then, I have taught myself that I do not always have to push beyond my limits to reach success. Just this February, I got accepted into colleges such as UC Santa Barbara, UC Davis, San Diego State University and other schools that I have long dreamed of getting accepted into. I have spent more quality time with those I love, cherishing the moments before I get sent off into adulthood.
These are the things that truly matter to me, and I am so grateful that I was able to prioritize the things I love the most. If there was one thing I would have told myself when I was a freshman, it would be that the grades on my transcript or the types of classes that I take do not define you, but rather it is the character that you have built for yourself. It is simply your choice.
