As children our understanding of the world is limited. We only understand what we have seen, what we have been taught and what we have been allowed to question. Throughout youth we have been placed in this confinement whether it is due to societal or parental pressures which can feel frustrating. When adults say, “You will understand when you are older,” it can feel like they are minimizing our feelings even if they do not mean to come off that way. What my generation has yet to realize is that their perspective, although it may feel diminishing–it has been shaped by years of mistakes and lessons that we have yet to experience.
From a young age, we are placed into systems that mold and alter the way we think. For example, family expectations, school rules, societal norms determine what is considered “right,” “wrong,” or “normal.” Over time these ideas become ingrained in our brain where it becomes second nature to believe it and not question it.
This social influence could feel both limiting and comforting. On one hand, structure provides guidance, however it can subjugate us on the way we think and live. We may reject advice not because it is wrong, but because it challenges the version of reality we have conditioned ourselves to accept. Growth becomes uncomfortable when it requires unlearning.
As we grow older, we are exposed to more situations that allow us to experience new realities. We learn that knowledge is not something that is just taught but is lived. However, while elders have gained wisdom through their experiences in our generation we experience a different type of world that they may have yet to experience or understand. Children are often viewed as naive, yet they are still able to understand feelings that are overlooked by adults.
I realized this one afternoon after school when I went to eat an early dinner with my mother. We were seated at a small table for two, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. As we talked, I noticed a woman sitting alone at the table beside us. At first, nothing seemed unusual, but I caught a brief glance she kept giving my mother and me.
When my mother’s conversation with me ended, she politely interjected herself with an “excuse me.” She explained that she had been watching the bond between my mother and me and that it meant something to her. She proceeded to ask for advice, but what surprised me was that it was not towards my mother—she asked me. After asking my age and learning that I was sixteen, she told me she had a daughter the same age.
The woman had shared the relationship between her daughter and her and how not that she was not envious, but she wanted to experience this moment with her daughter as well. However, she continued to express how she did not know how she felt because her daughter would not talk and express herself to her. As she expressed her struggles to me—asking a sixteen year old girl for advice I had explained what it felt like to be a daughter in this current generation. How for me all I wanted was to be heard, to feel understood rather and to be seen as an individual.
That interaction reinforced the idea that wisdom does not belong solely to age. While adults carry knowledge shaped by experience, younger generations carry perspectives formed through emotion and vulnerability. True growth begins when we recognize the limits of what we know and allow ourselves to listen beyond what we were taught.
