When I was in middle school, I wanted to dye my dark hair a light blonde color to change my appearance. My mom advised me that I wouldn’t look as good as I thought with blonde hair because it simply didn’t fit my aesthetic.

Hearing those words frustrated me because changing my hair meant that I could control how I expressed myself to people. In simpler words, the ability to change my hair the way I’d want to would boost my confidence tenfold. However, I felt unhappy whenever I went out, until the day I bleached my hair at home.

Not long after, I bought pink hair dye. For a couple weeks, I sported pink hair and during that time, the compliments I received from people around me reflected how I felt: excited and content with this change.

The pink faded back to blonde pretty quickly, but the leftover hair dyes I had lying around the house were enough for me to use. I transformed my hair into a plethora of colors, including light purple and  blue; once my original dark hair started to make an appearance I reintroduced the blonde hair.

There seemed to be an increase in my lack of satisfaction with every fading hair color. I would set out to find a new color that would express who I was on the inside at that time. Yet, each color I tried turned out to be too light, too uneven and not me. 

Aside from the compliments, people questioned how frequently I changed my hair and even suggested colors to try.